Born to be Free
by Imperial Remnant
Summary: Kylo struggles to fight off dark thoughts, and goes to find some comfort. (One-shot, Kylux)


**This was my most popular (by kudos) on AO3, so I figured I'd put it here.**

Kylo twisted and turned in his bed. Dreams wouldn't come, or even nightmares. He didn't care which he got, he just wanted the sweet release of consciousness.

Trying everything, even counting sheep, meditating, ignoring everything. He hugged his sheets, anxious thoughts entered his mind. Of death. What his own death could be, the deaths of others he had caused.

He turned to face the other way. Screams filled his ears, and he buried his face into his arm. They got louder. One lone voice over everything else. _Ben. We miss you. Anything._

Kicking his sheets off, Kylo sat up, breathing heavy. He got off his bed, and tried to wipe the sweat off his face, leaving the room. He headed down the empty corridor of the Star Destroyer. Good thing it was empty, he only wore loose pants and didn't like being so undressed around Stormtroopers.

Hux was close by. He knew because not only could he sense him, but also because their quarters weren't far apart. And the General was at his quarters right now. Arriving outside the door, he paused, and wondered if he should. His fist lingered.

Finally, he knocked.

A pause.

The door slid open. Kylo would've hoped the General would be eager, hopeful. But Hux stood there wearing a plain shirt and shorts – not almost nude, like usual – raising a curious eyebrow. Nothing was said between the two and the General took Kylo's hand, pulling him into the room.

Pressing down on the panel to lock the door, Hux then dragged him over to the bed and pushed Kylo onto it. Kylo landed with a small thud. Now sitting, he welcomed Hux onto his lap, straddling him.

Hux pulled his shirt off, but Kylo made a final decision. He didn't want to do it. Not tonight. He didn't have to say anything, just grab Hux's hand as it travelled between his legs. The General complied, taking his hand away, but looked confused.

Grabbing Hux's head into his hands, Kylo pulled him into a kiss. It was slow, careful. But Hux tried to make it fierce, fiery, causing Kylo to pull away. He let himself fall onto his back, letting out a heavy breath.

Hux moved over on top of him. Kissing down his neck, to his chest-

"No," Kylo finally spoke.

Hux stopped, moving up so his face was right over Kylo's. "What is it with you tonight? You came here but you don't want to?"

Kylo shook his head, feeling the tears welling up. He tried to stop them. He couldn't do this, not here, not now.

Although the other man was awful to his enemies – they both were really – he showed, at least tonight, some humanity for Kylo. He ran his hands through his hair, giving him a small peck on the nose.

"What do you want?" Hux asked, "I'll do what you want tonight."

Kylo drew a breath between his small sobs, saying, "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I just-," Kylo didn't know how to phrase it, "I just want it to end."

Hux frowned, "what to end?" He was now moving his hands along Kylo's face. Wiping away any tears as he did so.

"The screaming," Kylo breathed out.

But instead of any words of comforts, Hux let out a low chuckle. He went to nibble on Kylo's ear, "Oh, the screaming, of course."

Kylo sat up, which took Hux by surprise, and although he moved his head away from his ear, Hux stayed in his lap.

The two stared at each other. Kylo glaring, and Hux with the stupid, yet puzzled, grin on his face.

"What?" Hux asked in amusement, now tracing his fingers along the muscles of Kylo's arms, "Did you want to _cuddle?_ Be a _normal_ couple?"

He didn't reply. Instead, Kylo looked away, a feeling of shame rise in his chest. Never wanting to admit something like that, the stupidity of it. They couldn't do it, be a _normal_ couple. Not in this kind of environment.

"You _do?_ " Hux's expression didn't hide his shock, but it quickly broke into a smile again. A hand went back up to Kylo's face as it moved aside strands of hair. Hux turned Kylo's head, coming in closer again to give a small peck on the lips this time. He spoke in a hushed tone, slow, "Don't worry, my love, the screams will stop. Given time."

 _My love_. He must be making fun of Kylo, but nonetheless he let those words in. Kylo knew he shouldn't, but he let them in and he sunk into them, let them take him over. Even if, in the long run, it wasn't good for him. He felt it was what he _needed_. Right now. Tonight.

Kylo wrapped his arms around the torso of the other man. His head now up against his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. This sound of life a larger comfort than any of death.

The two fell back onto the bed, this time onto their sides so their heads fell onto the pillows. Kylo kept his head buried in Hux's chest.

The General let out a small laugh, stroking his hair, "this was interesting turn of development. But don't do this to me every night. We can't do this."

Silence.

"Kylo?" Hux asked when there was no response.

"I know," Kylo said, but he felt himself wanting to cry again. Trying to beat those feelings internally into submission, reminding himself to stop being weak.

"Do... do you want to do this more often?" Hux asked, hesitant.

A small but uncertain, "Yes."

The silence dragged. Kylo thought that would be the end of the conversation, but a few minutes later Hux replied. "Okay."

Kylo's reply was only a small, satisfied hum.

Then there were no screams that night.


End file.
